Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
