Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
