i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
