You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
