Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
