You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
