Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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