my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
