shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
