watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
