Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
