i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
