seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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