I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
