I accidentally had phone sex last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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