If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
