i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
