How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
