Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
