Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
