Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
