upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My feet surprised me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
