still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
