Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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