Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
