i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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