it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
