Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
