Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
