there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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