All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
