Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
