i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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