Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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