watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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