if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
