I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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