listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
