that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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