You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
