It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I deserve this hangover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
