all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
