he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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