this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
