There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
