Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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