Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
