In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
