would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
