I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
